just tuned the teli in to the new digitarse signal and found myself watching 'Loose Women'............., before you know I'll be slumped every afternoon, in my pants, large belly bulging over my elasticated waistline, porridge spilled down my vest, awaiting death, time eroded by teli entertainment ..
There's a reason why Speech Debelle's album has sold less than 3000 copies, it's rubbish, the amateur ramblings of someone who thought there were homeless, but, was in-fact was in eerrr homes, yes, it wasn't very nice, but for the millions of children who are sleeping on the street throughout the world all their lives, its hardly poverty is it ??! A western dilemma, like Marvin Gaye said when he could afford to jab most of Columbia up his nostrils, 'for those of us who live a life to socialise', but he probably included himself in that.. makes previous winner (now residing in the 'where are they now' slot) Ms Dynamo, and Gomez look likes contenders... This is what happens when you let journalists and music critics vote on things... Quite why Bat for Lashes haven't won - twice, I don't know, I can't stand her stuff, but at least its better than Speeches... it's ****** rigged... look out for some Speeches albums on eBay shortly, as all the journalists who we're asked to listen and vote try and make a couple of extra quid out of the album that they don't actually want to listen to-ever again, because they're all too busy playing 'Beatles Rock' game on psII (or whatever the **** it is.)
I had just been sniffing, no, not cocaine, you naughty doo-goooders... Avril Lavigne's new fragrance... it's just what we need, Avril's new smell, .. I heard she had been working day and night, her chubby little legs folded under a bench, her little hands, pummelling the pestle and mortar, with lots of lovely things, all gathered from her fragrant home garden, some herbs thrown in, nurtured and formulated by her superb scientific mind, her fantastical sense of smell, and the deep knowledge that she knows what us ladies want to wear (perfume wise)... thanks Avril, so kind, its what the world needed, along (and happens to co-incide) with your new CD recording... She joins the ranks of Pink , and eerrr Jade Goody, with her own lovable nose twitching super odour... I just had 1 problem, its a very minor thing, and I don't want you to take it personally Avril, after all your dedication and hard work... my bottle seems to contain something reminiscent of formic acid, mixed with Parazone, a bit of toilet bleach, crossed with Dettol, because like your music, it's completely sterile, peurile, formulaic crap... well, if it smelt of crap that would be something, as it is, it smells of nnnoootthhhhing. Just what the world needs, another Avril Lavigne album , and heeerr eeerr new fragrance... STINKERS ! OOoooohhh handbags at dawn..
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if anyone knows what the point of Muse is please let me know... Public School twats from the Home Counties (the rich part), they've gone and done it, and taken almost the whole riff from the Doctor Who theme tune as their new single, to a Gary Glitter beat... since, as far as I'm aware the BBC own the music to Doctor Who (having ripped off the composer in the 60's), and since the BBC are playing it , they may as well pay themselves direct, save sending to the other gangsters of the music business PRS... what's the point in the money going round in 1 big circle, come to that what's the point of PRS, or the ****** BBC, or MUSE for that matter.. long live Rock, **** off Muse, you thieving ****'s , if I have to see that skinny little dipstick up there again fiddling around with his noodling guitar I'm going up there and pinch his arm till he cries - Genesis tribute Act... !! I'd like to see Amy Winehouse get together with Muse and make a record, so they could form a band called MUSE WINEHOUSES, so they can subsequently open a chain of restaurants under the same monicker - no good reason really, I just like the idea of a chain of Beefeater style diners called Muse Winhouses
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I have to admit to feeling completely sick this-morning, having just seen the 32" Rat that has been discovered in Papau new Guinea... They might think its a cute little (!), fluffy rodent, personally, I am thanking the Lord Jesus that its a long way away (at the moment). They've said it likes to be handled, ... pukerello.. http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_8215000/8215144.stm
on my mind though is another Rat , DANNY BOYLE, the rat who has earnt $85 million. from Slum Dog Millionaire, whilst the child star Azhar Izmail, has earnt £1000. from it... The dirty low down rip-off dogs (rats), earning millions for themselves and giving nothing back. His father (Izmail) has died from TB (yes TB?!!), whilst Danny lives it up in his super rich lifestyle. Izmail's money was spent on his father's treatment, what else can I say, I'm speechless, these horrid, nasty money grabbing pigs.. Just go and give out the cash Danny . If it happened in Britain there would be multiple lawsuits, and outcry, but because they are India, they can be exploited and used. Danny, I coming to see you, get your chequebook out. Put him in the catagory with super-rich bankers.
I have to put my hand up to a serious crime, go on guv, cuff me, coz Im dangerous I am ! it's me that's been tapping the Royal-duel boy's phones, yes that's right, I've been on the ol' wire-tap, gettin' a bit of dirt on the lads wheelings and dealings, their naughty jibber-jabber on the blower, like eeerrr "Hello Harry, how are you, I'm popping down to Sainsbury's to pick up some tarasalamata", and eerrr "what-ho Will, I'm off ski-ing next week, can I borrow your eerrr ski's please" and juicy gossip like "Hello Harry, I can't hear you, terrible reception here in this S&M club where I'm dressed up like a tranny being beaten with a whip by some girls dressed as Hitler - except in eerr mini-skirts", or even more realistic twaddle like "Grandad did kill Mummy didn't he ??!"... so the News of the World apparently (allegedly?) have been tapping the Royal dynamic duo's cell's,,, (as well as me - how many wire taps can you get on the same phone ??),,, what revelatory twit-talk will this unearth??, personally I can't f*****' wait, I can see the headline now, twit-twerp-talk-twaddle-Royal eeerrr... talk-twaddle... Yes that's the f'in News we all need,, thanks a bunch News of the Crapsular.. If I was Harry & Will I'd be sending pictures, you need special equipment to intercept them (yes, I watch the WIRE !!!!!) allegedly...
as the Libyan row (or perhaps it should be renamed the Scottish row) rages on, I was struck down with a feather last night when I realised why they actually let out Megrahi... as the media keeps on with it (because its only the media making something out of nothing isn't it ??), Cameron bleating on about something - opposition being the easiest job, you can say anything when you aren't in power - can't you ? Who said what, who let him out, why not blame the warder, didn't he open the door ?? The real reason is so those naughty little scrimpers can save themselves a few thousand quid on hospital bills for the last few weeks of his care in hospital. We've all heard about the Scottish predispostion to save themslelves a few pennies, well they've taken it too far this time.... driving down hills with your engine off is one thing to save a bit of petrol,, letting out Megrahi may have been pushing it too far just so you can put a few quid back in the Scottish Health system donation jar - SCRIMPERS !! I want an enquiry!
BIG BROTHER - funny how BB and Oasis have decided to call it a day in the same week. Is that saying something??!.. Boring behemoth's demise, or eeerrr BBD, I must admit I didn't know Oasis were still going. The worst thing about it, is, that instead of 1 dreadful Beatlestribute Act, carving up our concert halls for the next 20 years, we will almost certainly have to suffer, 2, (if not more), each led by a Gallagher,, perhaps, even worse (can it get any worse ?!) some sort of Paul Weller collaboration triple album, perhaps of Humble Pie and Small Faces covers done in a pseudo Beatles style, then the following 10 years of live gigs, Festival appearances, and the final crowning glory, a come back season of Big Brother featuring the Gallaghers in the house, with Patsi Kensit, All Saints, and the lead singer from the Prodigy.... just when I was getting in to BB,,, I was going to apply next year for the house, what a let down. Long live rock, long live centre meeting eyebrows ! Personally I think both of them (Gallaghers) should go in to comedy, they're hilarious just to look at, certainly gives them an unfair advantage.
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he's a bit like yeerrr Dad isn't he, up there barking some rubbish about staying in bed late, his Mum has been shouting up the stairs 'GET UP, GET TO WORK YER LAZY C***)', he's so bloody crazy, ooohhh bonkers, he might go out later and buy some crisps and watch a video, crazy !!!!! the state of play of UK Rap, the amateur ramblings of Dizzeee Rascal, ooohhh, he's a Rascal... well I have news for you, he's not a rascal, he's not dizzy, he's not bonkers, and his new record is about going on holiday, yes, that's right, he'll be getting an EasyJet flight to Ibiza, with 300 other lunatics , mainly from the North East, so they can behave exactly the same way they do on a Friday night in Middlesborough, except, every night in some doghole in southern Spain, crazy ****'*, they're all bonkers ! what next, shuttupayaface by Joe Dolce,,, eerrr Ting Tings... Dizzee Rascal, the UK Rap equivalent of wallpaper, hopeless...
I wish he'd stop going on about that Sax, you know, my Sax is on Fire, song aside they're just about the best band around at the moment aren't they?, I was watching the highlights from the Reading Festival, and, apart admiring the new slim line version of Ricky Wilson, Kings of Leon seem like a real band.. the sort born from a garage somewhere, and not from the odd distorted minds of billion pound record company video promotional campaigns,,, I know of course they have had to compromise to have such a big hit, making a slightly glossyised video.. touching up their image a bit (lose the cardigan though please), but there isn't really anyone else out there that touches them live at the moment... they have that organic spark going on that only comes from being brought up together with their own music, their own thing going on, nothing contrived.. I liked the stripped down arrangements, getting to the core of what it is, those quirky little songs, suddenly come alive when they fire up on-stage... I like the lack of pandering to the dumbo's in the crowd who bark and wave their arms in the air to anything that's on-stage (modern phenomena !), half the time not realising that it may as well be the roadies up there,,, most audiences now have spent too much time playing Wii, thinking Rock music is by numbers... more bands like Kings of Leon, although it's unlikely when all that's being foisted off on us by the media is Florence (Siouxsie), and Trincher Strydy (what's his name ??),,, come of Kings of Leon, they have the biggest anthem of the decade - they even play it in my local swimming pool for the OAP Water Aerobics - but stop going on about that bloody Saxophone (on Fire)!.
I had been innocently listening to the radio, The Archers, Housewives Choice, Ed Stewpot (Jo Wylie), then wham bam, I found myself bent over the sink puking me guts uurrrrpppp... because they had just been talking about men lactating, yes , that's right, everyone to their own, I can't slate it if that's what people want to do, but, yes, apparently due to some hormonal thing going on,,, men can lactate, and yes, they do suckle babies... it could be some sexual thing I guess as well.. perhaps some women like to have a suck of a man's breast and get some milk out, personally I feel a bit queasy... YES, it's real, I am not maketh it up ! Rock on mens breats !!
anyone who likes to suckle their man, please let me know, I might do some sort of research and build up a database of sucklers, a kinda sucklebase
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